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According to sex therapist, orgasm should be like dessert at the end of a good meal
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There might be a plethora of information about sex out there but a lot of it is misinformation. This is why the problems sex therapists deal with on a regular basis are often fixed simply by educating people about sex. But what's the advice sex therapists repeat over and over again? What do they wish we were all taught in school?
This, for starters…
Orgasm isn’t the goal of sex—pleasure is
Women often worry about orgasms—whether they’re having one, taking too long to have one, or why one doesn’t feel the same as another. But sex therapists say all this anxiety is unnecessary. In fact, many therapists believe we place too much emphasis on orgasms. According to sex therapist Stephen Snyder, orgasm should be like dessert at the end of a good meal—memorable, perhaps, but not the main reason for the experience. The best sex happens when couples enjoy the moment without focusing on orgasm as the ultimate goal.
Desire fluctuates—and that’s normal
Couples often worry if they go through a period where they or their partner lose desire for sex. But desire naturally ebbs and flows depending on what’s happening in our lives. Stress, health issues, pregnancy, parenting, and financial worries can all dampen libido. Moreover, aging brings hormonal changes that can significantly impact desire. What’s important is to communicate openly, maintain affection, and be open to low-effort sex options during these times. Understanding that desire isn’t constant can help sustain a healthy sexual relationship.
Your vagina smells just fine
Women often worry about how they smell, leading to a booming market for products designed to make vaginas smell "better." However, these products are not only unnecessary but can also disrupt the natural balance of flora, leading to irritation, infections, and even pelvic inflammatory disease. A healthy vagina has a natural scent that’s not unpleasant. If you notice any unusual discharge, odors, or changes, consult your doctor. Remember, during arousal, the vagina produces pheromones that act as aphrodisiacs, and many people prefer the natural scent of their partner over artificial fragrances.
Work stress, mild depression, low energy from unhealthy habits, or a loss of confidence from an erection issue can all undermine a man’s sex drive
Performance anxiety is common and manageable
Performance anxiety can affect anyone, regardless of gender, age, experience, or attractiveness. It often manifests as being overly self-conscious during sex, leading to stress and a disconnect from the experience. This anxiety can be triggered by a thoughtless comment from a partner or ex, creating a cycle of stress and worry. Techniques like mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and focusing on physical sensations rather than appearance can help alleviate this anxiety. It’s also important to recognize that everyone goes through periods of self-doubt, and this acceptance can help the anxiety pass more quickly.
Sexual compatibility takes work
Sexual compatibility is often seen as something that either exists or doesn’t—a magical "chemistry" that people obsess over. But while initial attraction is important, that lightning bolt of lust fades quickly. True compatibility comes with effort, communication, and a willingness to try new things and compromise. Good sex isn’t automatic; it requires ongoing work to find a satisfying balance for both partners.
Men have low libidos too
It’s a stereotype that men always want sex and lots of it, but men also experience low desire. Work stress, mild depression, low energy from unhealthy habits, or a loss of confidence from an erection issue can all undermine a man’s sex drive. Society often makes men feel inadequate if they don’t fit the stereotype, leading to a downward spiral. Some men turn to alcohol to cope, but excessive drinking can lower testosterone, the hormone responsible for sex drive. Additionally, common medications like antidepressants and blood pressure pills can further reduce libido.
Understanding that low libido can affect men too, and addressing the underlying causes, can help break this cycle.
Torch Media Africa
